How do you talk about femininity and confidence? One seems soft, weak, and timid while the other brings a tone of strength, defiance, and courage. They seem like opposites.
Culture associates masculine traits with confidence. We see someone who’s assertive, domineering, and brash as someone who’s confident, but that’s a very specific personality type. I argue that may not even be confidence, but borderline arrogance. That’s why you have to deeply reflect on what you think confidence looks like before trying to attain it.
In truth, confidence shows up in many different ways. What’s a sign of confidence for you can be a sign of insecurity for me. It’s like music. You can play many different kinds of music, but the first step is always learning your instrument.
Think of femininity as your instrument for confidence. Few people can play it well, but it’s incredibly rewarding once you learn. And masculine energy loves a confident feminine presence.
The word femininity used to make me cringe. It was synonymous with inferiority, in my mind. If something was categorized as feminine in any way, I would immediately reject it. I did not want to be seen as weak. Traits like strength and power were associated with masculinity in my mind. I wanted to be strong and powerful, so I went deeply into my masculine energy for years.
Centuries of patriarchy and internalized misogyny create a cultural shame around anything feminine. An obvious example of this is shame around menstruation. 50% of the population menstruates at one point in their life, and yet culture is still hush-hush about the whole matter.
Rather than treating it with respect, care, and honor, we hide our menstrual cycle, suppress the side effects, and slowly resent the fact we have to “deal” with it at all. But what if it weren’t a curse? What if it were a deeply powerful connection with nature? What if it gave you divine wisdom and insight? That would make women more powerful than men, wouldn’t it? It would give them an advantage. Which is why it’s not surprising to me that the patriarchy has put effort into shaming women for something so powerful. It’s literally the ability to create and sustain life. Pretty badass, if you ask me.
Femininity is not weakness. It’s a unique form of strength.
Before you can become a confident woman, you have to face your relationship with femininity. The first step to being confident in anything is to get to know more about it. When it comes to femininity, we have trauma to face. The word “girl” is used as an insult, we face double standards constantly, we’re made to believe we aren’t worthy of love, security, or success unless we fit a certain mold. That impacts you in a negative way.
The best way to expand in your femininity is to experiment with what feels most like YOU. Not what you think you should be, look like, or believe – what feels like you?
True femininity is the bold expression of the beauty you want to offer the world.
If I put on red lipstick because I love the color and feel great when I wear it, that is pure feminine expression. Someone else could wear red lipstick because they always get compliments on it and feel like if they don’t, they won’t be as feminine.
Both women are wearing red lipstick, but the reason why is very different. That’s why you can’t judge confidence based on actions, but on intentions (which aren’t always easy to judge!)
Both feminine and masculine energies are vital to the human experience. We need both energies for a purpose. You have both in you, play with both, harness both. Use them to find a balance that makes your spirit thrive in confidence.
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